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　　一個(gè)人命里不見得有太太或丈夫，但絕對不可能沒有朋友。即使是荒島上的魯濱遜，也不免需要一個(gè)“禮拜五”。一個(gè)人不能選擇父母，但是除了魯濱遜之外，每個(gè)人都可以選擇自己的朋友。照說選來的東西，應(yīng)該符合自己的理想才對，但是事實(shí)又不盡然。你選別人，別人也選你。被選，是一種榮譽(yù)，但不一定是一件樂事。來按你門鈴的人很多，豈能人人都令你“喜出望外”呢？大致說來，按鈴的人可以分為下列四型：

　　A person may have no wife or husband in their lifetime, but it is absolutely impossible to have no friends. Even Robinson Crusoe on a desolate island was badly in need of a "Friday". One cannot choose his or her parents, but except for Robinson, everybody can have the freedom to choose friends. It is true that one's choices should be to one's liking, but it's not always the case. You pick and choose, and at the same time, are picked and chosen by others. Being chosen is an honor, but is may not be a pleasure. There are many who come to press your doorbell, but how many of them can make "go into raptures?" generally speaking, doorbell pressers fall into the following four categories.

　　第一型，高級而有趣。這種朋友理想是理想，只是可遇而不可求。世界上高級的人很多，有趣的人也很多，又高級又有趣的人卻少之又少。高級的人使人尊敬，有趣的人使人歡喜，又高級又有趣的人，使人敬而不畏，親而不狎，交接愈久，芬芳愈醇。譬如新鮮的水果，不但甘美可口，而且富于營養(yǎng)，可謂一舉兩得。朋友是自己的鏡子。一個(gè)人有了這種朋友，自己的境界也低不到哪里去。先生杖履所至，幾曾出現(xiàn)過低級而無趣的俗物？

　　The first category: refined and humorous. Friends of this category are ideal, but they can only be chanced upon rather than be sought after. There are as numerous refined people as there are humorous ones, but how many can you find who are refined as well as humorous? Refined people are respectable, humorous people are loveable, and people who are both refined and humorous are respectable but not awesome, intimate but not improperly familiar. The longer you are with them, the closer you will be, just as the fresh fruit you eat, which is not only delicious but also nutritious: it kills two birds with one stone. Friends are a mirror of one's own self. If one has a friend of this kind, his or her own taste will not be low. How many vulgar and humorless people have you found wherever Su Dongpo, a great genius of the Song Dynasty, went?

　　第二型，高級而無趣。這種人大概就是古人所謂的諍友，甚至畏友了。這種朋友，有的知識豐富，有的人格高超，有的呢，“品學(xué)兼優(yōu)”像一個(gè)模范生，可惜美中不足，都缺乏那么一點(diǎn)兒幽默感，活潑不起來。你總覺得，他身上有那么一個(gè)竅沒有打通，因此無法豁然恍然，具備充分的現(xiàn)實(shí)感。跟他交談，既不像打球那樣，你來我往，此呼彼應(yīng)，也不像滾雪球那樣，把一個(gè)有趣的話題愈滾愈大，精力過人的一類，只管自己發(fā)球，不管你接不接得住。消極的一類則以逸待勞，難得接你一球兩球。無論對手是積極或消極，總之該你撿球，你不撿球，這場球是別想打下去的。這種畏友的遺憾，在于趣味太窄，所以跟你的“接觸面”廣不起來。天下之大，他從城南到城北來找你的目的，只在討論“死亡在法國現(xiàn)代小說中的特殊意義”，或是“愛斯基摩人對性生活的態(tài)度”。為這種畏友撿一晚上的球，疲勞是可以想見的。這樣的友誼有點(diǎn)像吃藥，太苦了一點(diǎn)。

　　The second category: refined but humorless. These people are virtually zhengyou (friends who will give forthright admonition) or even weiyou (friends with stern moral integrity), as defined by people of olden times. Of these friends, some are with profound knowledge, some with noble character, and still some with "both character and knowledge" like a good model student. The pity is that these people have little sense of humor, seldom lively. You are always feeling that there is something missing in him or her, so it is impossible for you feel that something suddenly dawns on him or her, or to have the necessary sense of reality. Your chat with that person is not like playing basketball with the ball coming and going frequently between the players; neither is it like snowballing, getting the ball larger with each rolling. People who are extremely active only care about their serving of the ball, without considering whether you could get it or not. But the passive people are just the opposite, as they would be idle instead of being hardworking, and they seldom catch your ball. Whether they are active or passive, it is you who should always pick up the ball, and if you don't pick the ball up, the match will be very unlikely to go on. The pity of these friends with stern moral integrity is that their scope of interest is too narrow, and therefore, you cannot have a "wider contact" with them. The world is so big, but the sole purpose of his coming to you from one end of the city to the other is to discuss "the special significance of death in modern French novels", or "the attitude of the Eskimos towards sexual life". You can imagine how tiresome it is to pick up the ball the whole night for these friends. And friendship of this kind is something like taking medicine, which is a bit too bitter.

　　第三型，低級而有趣。這種朋友極富娛樂價(jià)值，說笑話，他最黃；說故事，他最像；消息，他最靈通；關(guān)系，他最廣闊；好去處，他都去過；壞主意，他都打過。世界上任何話題他都接得下去，至于怎么接法，就不用你操心了。他的全部學(xué)問，就在不讓外行人聽出他沒有學(xué)問。至于內(nèi)行人，世界上有多少內(nèi)行人呢？所以他的馬腳在許多客廳和餐廳里跑來跑去，并不怎么露眼。這種人最會說話，餐桌上有了他，一定賓主盡歡，大家喝進(jìn)去的美酒還不如聽進(jìn)去的美言那么“沁人心脾”。會議上有了他，再空洞的會議也會顯得主題正確，內(nèi)容充沛，沒有白開。如果說，第二型的朋友擁有世界上全部的學(xué)問，獨(dú)缺常識，這一型的朋友則恰恰相反，擁有世界上全部的常識，獨(dú)缺學(xué)問。照說低級的人而有趣味，豈非低級趣味，你竟能與他同樂，豈非也有低級趣味之嫌？不過人性是廣闊的，誰能保證自己毫無此種不良的成分呢？如果要你做魯濱遜，你會選第三型還是第二型的朋友做“禮拜五”呢？

　　The third category: vulgar but humorous. Friends of this type are highly amusing. When joking, they will offer you the obscenest; when telling stories, theirs will be the most vivid; when talking about rumors, they are the best-informed; when socializing, they are the most popular; they have been to all good places and they have nurtured all evil thoughts. There is no topic that they cannot say something about, but how they manage to do this is none of your business. Their learning lies in the way that no laymen will find that they are not knowledgeable. As to those who are adept …, but how many adept people have seen in this world? That is why they can be active in the living room and the restaurant without letting the cat out of the bag. These people have glib tongue, and if dining with others, both the host and the guests will be happy. What goes into the ear is much better than what goes into the mouth. If they were in a meeting, a least meaningful meeting would seem to be the most significant, full of content and instructive. If the second category of people possess all the learning in the world but common sense, people of this category are just the other way round: they possess all the common sense of the world but no true learning. In the ordinary course of events, if vulgar people are humorous, their humor would be vulgar, so how can you share pleasure with them? Or are you yourself vulgarly humorous? No. Human nature is heterogeneous. Who can pledge that you yourself are completely void of this unhealthy element? If you wanted to be Robinson, which "Friday" would you like to choose, from the third category or from the second?

　　第四型，低級而無趣。這種朋友，跟第一型的朋友一樣少，或然率相當(dāng)之低。這種人當(dāng)然自有一套價(jià)值標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，非但不會承認(rèn)自己低級而無趣?？峙逻€自以為又高級又有趣呢？然則，余不欲與之同樂矣。

　　The fourth category: vulgar and humorless. Friends of this type are as few as those of the first type, and the chances of meeting them are slim. These people certainly have a set of principles of valuing things. Most likely they will not admit that they are vulgar and humorless, instead they will think that they are refined and humorous. However, they are not the type of people that I will share pleasure with.